A Letter to my Children

Coen and Beckett-

I know we had a rough day today. Any day where Coen wails from the back seat "I hate you. I hate you. You have ruined my life." is really not a high point for us. And I know that it seemed like I was being really mean to you today. But really I was showing you that I love you.

Before we ran errands today I told you that you could get to pick where you wanted to eat lunch if you behaved at the book store and the garden store. And then you didn't behave at all. You see I ignore a lot of your normal little boy wiggles- but today was so much more. You screamed and chased each other up and down the aisles of the book store, you piled the step stools on top of one another to see if you could get to the top of the book shelves, you stuck your head in the water fountains, Beckett licked the side of one of the water features and then you topped it all off with chasing one another around the patio with tomato stakes- the sharp metal stakes pointed at your brother. This wasn't your normal playing, chasing giggling- this was monumental misbehavior- and you had ample warnings that you wouldn't be getting a lunch out.

And so the temper tantrums started. And I kept my cool, and I explained your consequences, and I counted to ten and did it all again. Coen your temper tantrum lasted for almost an hour and a half. And you see I didn't let you go out to eat because I love you. I know that you have to learn that you can be responsible for your life, I want to give you the power to succeed and believe you can be great kids and people. But to do that I have to show you that when you fail to meet the standards there are not rewards. Rewards are earned. If I didn't love you I would have just given in and let you have what you wanted because that is so much easier. If I didn't love you I would even let you order soda and fries whenever you wanted. But I want more for you.

I want you to be great. I want you to believe that you are great and capable and can achieve your dreams. I want you to be proud of your achievements and feel successful. And it is sad but true that I can't help you gain those things with out also in a loving and kind way showing you what happens when you fail. So I grit my teeth and hugged you and told you I loved you and let you yell at me- and then let you go be angry in your room until you had calmed down enough to be with me in the kitchen.

So I know I made you really mad today- but I hope when you are older you will be able to see that it was done out of love. I hope you will be grateful for the love, and attention, and boundaries your father and I are trying to provide for you.

And tomorrow we will discuss why it isn't nice to eat the gifts that you gave someone the day before.

Love, Mom