It has been worse than imagined-
And yet just what I expect of her.

Unbearable pain.
And maybe a little relief-
And gratitude for hugs from loving strangers - even the support from the grumpy silent one.
And extreme gratitude for loving sisters- thankful for the depth of love that is in my life.

And yet- full of sorrow and pain and sorrow and hope that I can let it go.
that I can leave it here in the desert with the cactus and the jack rabbits...
and go home and hold my life- my husband the boys- the life of love that I am building...
and I will hold it close- and bury myself in their love.
Go home where I am safe and loved.