Mostly though I am feeling free- free of a burden I have carried for most of my life. I feel as if pounds of black sludge have been scooped out of my chest and left here in the barren desert. And I am returning to Alma and the boys unfettered by the past. A free strong woman.
I know life will still be hard. I know that I still have relationships with toxic people. I know that I have a lot of hard work ahead of me. But that work now seems possible. And the future looks hopeful.
After dinner tonight I took a drive through the desert and watched the sunset. And just drank up the infinite beauty and power available to me through my creator. I have an infinite amount of beauty and power as well. I am starting to believe that I truly am a miracle.
I was a miracle the day I came to this earth- all skinny legs and red hair. I was a miracle every time I survived, every time I didn't collapse under all the hate and abuse. I was a miracle when I clawed my way out of the black hole of our childhood. I am a miracle. A miracle that I made two perfect little boys. And it is a miracle that I am going forward and leaving the injury behind aware of the pain but able to know that it does not define me. My strength and divinity define me.
That is what I knew as I drove through the sunset in the desert.
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3 comments:
Polly, you have always appeared as a miracle to me--so full of light and beauty and kindness and warmth. I'm glad that you have removed those distortion glasses from your eyes and can now see the full magnificence of your own being.
Here's a big hug to you!!!
Love, Kathy
Love you.
I missed your call because I was at that new handbook training meeting (and I miss you, too). Call me back. I want to talk and I think you are busier than I am.
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