Why I Love my Life

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.

-Melody Beattie

I was talking today to Becky and was reminded of the importance of having a tender heart. The importance of seeing the great and tremendous love that surrounds us. The importance of recognizing and acknowledging the bliss and joy in our lives. I fought many a battle defending developmentally delayed (the children I worked with were mostly at a 2-6 month developmental level) children's ability to feel that bliss and joy. So often we discuss their "quality of life" with out recognizing they do have the most basic and needed thing. They feel love. They feel our love, they feel God's love. So how is their "quality of life"?

In the last several months I have been bombarded with the pain of life- stress, worry, exhaustion. Health crisis that never seem to end for two sisters, chronic pain- surely after 7 years it is going to go away- but it just gets worse- the exhaustion of having a newborn and a toddler (what Nancy calls the pit of motherhood-she should know she has nine children)- uncertainties about Alma's employment. I have felt a little overwhelmed.

And then I have a day like today- not unusual- in fact a little worse than most since I was on call last night and Beckett decided to eat every two hours-----But I feel super aware of my many blessings. My soul is filled with gratitude. So here is a list of what I love about my life today.

The FUNNY/WONDERFUL stuff in POLLY'S life today:

1. Conversation with Alma this evening:

A: Do you want me to take the boys out tonight?

P: I don't know.

A: I think you need a break.

P: What do you want to do? Do you want to stay home and have time as a family?

A:Yes.

P: Are you saying that because it is what you think I want to hear?

A: Yes.

P: What do you really want?

A: For you to be happy and feel good- so what will do that for you?

P:I don't know. I want to be alone, but I feel like we should have family time. (I actually yammer on quite a bit here- going back and forth)

A: Coen- it is hard to know how to make mom happy.

Coen: ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!(his dinosaur growl) followed by him jumping on us and kissing us all over. (he know how to make me happy!)

I just loved this conversation. Poor Alma he just wanted me to be happy and I was to tired to even decide what would do that for me. (They are getting dinner and going to the park right now)

2. Currently Coen is OBSESSED with any thing related to stars. He loves the shape, he loves the lights in the night sky, he loves star fish, he even loves Star Wars (he says Darth Vader in a very funny gravelly voice). He has never seen the movies but his cousins gave him some cartoon type bath toys and he loves them. We are reading several books on astronomy from the library (over and over)- we look at the stars every night- I am only allowed to sing "star songs"-He points star shapes out to me all the time, on packages in the grocery store- on clothing- the button eyes of a rag doll at the dentists office. The funniest this week was when he found a TV Guide with Star Wars on the cover. He now sleeps with it. I hear him flipping pages in the dark. When he tries to get in our bed in the middle of the night he brings it with him. Today a little Darth Vader and a gorilla the same size have been flying around our living room "in the star sky". I am loving this phase!

3. Beckett is getting happier ( I think- I hope I am not just deluding myself) and wonder of wonders he pooped yesterday! All by himself!!! This is the first in months. So you can see why he is a cranky Gus.

4. My sisters- all of them physical and spiritual. I so need them and depend on our long phone calls and knowing they understand.

5. My House! We own a house. What an amazing feeling. So even though it looks like a tornado hit (I did work the last two days) I love it. And it will be clean before the in-laws come tomorrow to watch the BYU/UCLA game.

So I am grateful, and it kills me that I can't seem to express the way I feel in the right words. All the words seem so hollow and small compared to the feelings in my heart. So I hope at least you can feel the spirit of the message. Despite all the heartache- my "quality of life" is great. I am trying to take the time to feel the joy, the wet baby kisses, to enjoy the slow dancing in the kitchen with my great guy. I hope you do too.