Happy Mother's Day

As mother's day is approaching I have been thinking more and more about the women in my life. (Don't thinks this means I was organized enough to get mother's day gifts out on time- it doesn't). All the mothers I have known and loved, past and present have been on my mind and here is a little of what I have been thinking.

I will start with the most obvious, my own mother. A complicated and often painful relationship. A women who shines brighter than any other that I know. How thrilled I was when I was at 10 when I was chatting with some adults and they commented on how I was animated and entertaining just like my mother. I couldn't think of a better compliment. I didn't know anyone more fun to be with than my mom. She was the life of the party, the one everyone gathered around. People just wanted to sit and bask in her glow. This bright flame came along with the deepest darkest lows- painful and abusive times. But when she is on there is nothing quite like it anywhere else. I hope that I have a little of that spark in my life.

The next obvious women are my sisters. With our fractured and some times terrifying childhood we clung to each other. We are more than sisters. When Becky was first diagnosed and the time we found out the cancer had metastasized to the lungs I remember Alma holding me while I cried- he just kept saying "You can't lose Becky she is your and Susie's whole family". And this was so true. We have had to hold onto each other so tight that we have made these messy intertwined bonds that wrap us together in a complicated knobby knot that can never be unraveled. Sister isn't a big enough word. They are my sister/mother/friend/everythings. Three is a difficult number- there is always one part pf the triangle who feels like she is in the shade alone, but it rarely was Becky. She was the one Susie and I competed to be with- the one we both turn to- the one we lean on. She has been by our sides in our darkest moments- she knows all our ugly bits and loves us fiercely- she calls us out when we are wrong and is there all day on the phone for our constant calls. Susie and I really struggled during our teen years. We were both so full of pain and too often took it out on each other. One of the things I am most grateful for in my adult life is the way our relationship has been repaired- grown- strengthened. Now as I travel with her through the joys of a nursing education as she joins this generations long tradition I am so overwhelmed by all she can do. She is a superwoman- you know the one they tell you is a myth -that all women in America love to hate. Well I am related to her. So thank you Becky and Susie- thank you from the depths of my soul that feels as if you a part of me- the very center and core of me.

And to my sister/cousins (Andrea I know you are not a Conley- and I know a Rasmussen is a totally different beast- but whenever I think about this group you are in it. You are an honorary Conley Cousin). There were six of us Conley Cousins at BYU at the same time. These were the cousins we had great memories from summer time visits to the house on the hill- with the epic garden- nights of kick the can- bike trips to the pool and Dairy Queen. The place our parents shipped us the summer they took our home apart. I grew up with cousins in my same ward- just miles away my whole childhood- and yet we are not close. They lack that mysterious quality that you find in a kindred spirit. But the Conley girls had that elusive something in spades. Today we don't talk as often as any one of us would like and the last time we were all together was almost 6 years ago (maybe we can change that this summer?). But those years in college- how grateful I am to have spent them with these women. How proud I am to recite all our achievements- on our homes and our careers. How proud I am to be a part of a group that so fully represents Mormon womenhood and at the same times breaks the cookie cutter stereotype of what that women is. So here is a toast to my fellow feminist, cap gun loving, water opera singing, old movie loving, faithful living cousin/sisters. Here is a toast to those who embrace their geeky side- seek learning and education- who value their minds. And I am so glad they married such great men that I love and consider the best of friends, even if Ben is afraid of me and I gave him a VD on his cheek.

I have two wonderful grandmothers as well. Grandma Conley taught me that you never know what life will bring you- but it won't be what you planned- so you better be ready to change and do more than you ever thought you would. She is the first person who introduced me to Shakespeare (at 8) and taught me to love to play cards. She has softened over time and is a very different women than the director of nursing I remember sitting on our couch Christmas morning in her starched white uniform- ready to go to work so someone with children could stay at home. Her mother was an LVN her grand mother a midwife, and I and Susie carry on that tradition- something she is proud of. How wonderful to have trained in the same hospital even. Her best friend- some one she still can't talk about with out crying in my Grandma Friend. Granny created the safe nest and foundation that every child needs and my mom was incapable of making for us. Her home was a child's wonderland- her love all encompassing- her arms always open. I can still feel her arms around me as we watched the magical sunsets across the endless horizon of the Central Valley. Sitting on the red steps taking in the splendors of the fertile valley floor telling her "Granny I'm having hard times". One of the best memories I have is being in the celestial room of the Oakland Temple and seeing my grandmothers walking towards me holding hands, overfilling with love for one another and me.

The last group I am amazed at are my in-laws. I was raised with a close knit family and both sides of my family loved each other. I never really got mother-in-law jokes. I have been blessed to find that in my husband's family as well. I have a mother-in-law who loved me long before Alma realized I was the one he was waiting for. Harvene knew long before we did that we were meant for each other. My sister-in-laws are some of my best friends. The ones I knew in high school live in Texas now- but it is always so exciting when we are reunited. I have such fun with them and look forward to the times I know they are coming home. I so want our children to be good cousins and look forward to the time all this little kids will be the Clove Cousins at BYU together. It is nice to have someone going through the times of early marriage and young motherhood together. And the other sister in laws are wonderful too. Laura is one of my best friends and Kirsten seems to embody all those qualities I wish I had but just never seem to be able to achieve. I am so luck to hear the nightmare stories of in-laws and just not be able to relate at all.

There are so many more women I could write about- my YW leaders, Nancy DeMartini, seminary teachers, Kathy- the Roeder I look the most forward to seeing, the list just goes on and on. Because women are fonts of love, inspiration, strength and blessings in my life. So for Mothers Day- thank you to all the women in my life. Thank you for the way you live, the way you love and the way you laugh.

Somedays I just hate blogger- Any ideas why the one paragraph is a fake link- or how to fix it with out deleting it all and rewriting.