I went to bed last night and just couldn't stop thinking about this silly blog. First- I wrote that stupid blog about the football game and didn't even write about some of the most important things. (Even though I wrote it only to show Becky that I took some pictures at the game after she gave me a hard time.) I didn't mention how my dad took me to NU games in high school to watch Marshall Mc Cauley play (he was a great quarterback and those were some good years for NU). I have some great memories of this time alone with Dad- I know our relationship is different than his with my other sisters- but I couldn't but feel a little sad that they haven't had time like this with him. And then Friday night there was a dad and his pre teen daughter sitting next to us. It just helped to remind me of those times. I didn't write about how surprised I am at my reaction to Coen loving football. He has a great passion for it- but the surprise is how happy and proud I am when he runs around the living room making touch downs or spends 30 min. trying to perfect his kick off. I just love this boy's boy. I love how boyish he is. I revel in the new world he is introducing me to. I didn't write about how nice it is to sit next to my husband and hold his hand. To see him holding our boys and smiling at me. How in this noisy crowd I can catch his eye- he smiles that smile just at me and we are alone in our own wonderland. (usually he follows this moment up with some funny/lewd comment that ruins the moment a little but is just so Alma).
Then I started to think about ideas I have for future postings- and it dawned on me they are really ideas for scrapbook pages. (of course I can only remember one idea now- why why don't I write there things down?) And I started to feel a little guilty for neglecting my scraping and spending so much time on this silly little blog. In my defence the craft room is so messy I have been afraid to even walk in the door. But tonight I got it cleaned out- so after this Halloween Party this week I will be ready to get back to work.
And here (yes folks we are finally at the point of the rambling) is the main concern I have. I know that I post cute pics of the kiddos- I do a quick recap of the week etc. But I want this blog to reflect my true voice. I want my dear readers (all 3 of you) to connect with me- to feel like they are with the "real Polly". And too often I fail at this. So dear readers (ahem Becky and Andrea) who are such amazing writers- how do I find this true voice? How do I write in such a way that I can transcend the ho-hum cute pics and stories about the kiddies? How do you write in an honest way? How can I better express "me"?
On a completely different side note- Do you cruise around and look at other women's blogs and feel amazingly inadequate- the parties they plan- the sewing- the crafts- HOW HOW do they do this with children. So many days I am just happy three meals got done, a load of laundry and Coen and I read a book. Where do they come up with all this time? (Uh Becky- you are one of these women, for pity's sake you are sick and you get more done than me)The illustrations are just some I have found lately that I like- they remind me of what I love about my life right now.
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5 comments:
okay, crazy girl...come on down and take a reality check...you're making me play big sister on you - and that's not pretty. First - I don't know how many times I'm talking to you and I'm thinking in my head, "dang, how does she do it all? How does she make the time and energy for all these people and clubs and projects?". Seriously, you are amazing and you are always doing these amazing things - you just don't see that. If I lived near you or all my family the way you do - I'd be doing less crafts and spending more friday nights cuddling with Mika and TJ and watching horror films while we munched on some amazing baked good...or going to the knitting club or hanging out with Joseph and a goat. Think of all the parties you throw and all the people that depend on your hospitality for a bit of respite.
And on the writing front - the blog should be a natural extension of your journaling process. Don't think about what you're going to write and just do it...be natural, real and honest...don't worry about what are people are going to think. It's not about them - it's about you. And if you don't feel it, don't blog it. Why do you think I've been blogging so much lately? Because I'm feeling it. I've got lots of changes happening. I'm also carving out a specific time to do it and during that twenty minutes - I choose to do it or not do it. You'll figure it out. But no matter what you do - you will POST pictures of home and kids for me...that's why I bugged you to do this in the first place...now we need to get sue on board (hah!). Love you - bb
You taught yourself to knit! Auggghhh! You can read anything and teach yourself to do it! Auuuggghhh! You have a photographic memory!!!!! You hair has natural body and you have cute freckles and five more inches of waist and legs than me. The grass is always greener on the other side! Seriously!!!!
OK, I second so much of what you wrote - I was just thinking the same thing about looking at others blogs and feeling a little inadequate! I actually started to think that of yours when I saw the picture of hte party ideas and thought it was your house and table - I was completely overwhelmed thinking, how does she do it all? I still think that even after seeing that the picture wasn't actually of your party. You and your sister seem to have an incredible talent for the craft and beauty of life - not a big surprise to me, I admit! ANyway, you are amazing and I have no doubt your party will be magical in ever way! Good luck!
Polly--the basic truth about blogs is that people ONLY WRITE THE GOOD THINGS. Do you think every homeschool day I do is blog worthy? Heck no--I don't want to remember the bad days when I'm old so I don't blog 'em. All the people who think our FHE's are so fantastic--they are, every once in awhile.
I'm glad you are trying to connect with me. I love the blogging universe.
I love the voice that you share in your blog and think that it is already so wonderfully Polly. I think most of us totally relate to feeling inadequate when we compare ourselves to others (except my Mom who doesn't seem to have that problem. Have you noticed that? It makes me feel totally inadequate.)I love you!
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